THE BRAVELY BALANCED BLOG
For the overachiever and the overworked!
How exhausted are you? I know the feeling!
Does being exhausted serve you? What if I told you that you could have it all without subjecting yourself to hustle culture?
Sounds divine, doesn’t it? Follow along and feel the ease!
The Choice Between Collaboration and Teamwork: A Personal Perspective
These days, it’s popular to talk about being part of a team – being a team player is desired, being a loner is not desired.
Sometimes, working in a team seems good – every viewpoint is considered, every desire included, and the end result is – hopefully – something that everyone on the team wants and can stand behind.
The truth is not that clear-cut: often what happens when everyone on a team has an equal say is that either some form of compromise is reached where nobody gets what they want entirely (that’s the best possibility); or factions form and argue for their viewpoint, eventually wearing down any team member who disagrees. It’s rare that the result is what everyone wants, and frequent that the result was obtained through peer pressure.
Practice makes expertise
Practice makes perfect is a quote from Benjamin Franklin that is now a cliché. When I try a new recipe, I follow the instructions with care, and it often turns out well. The second time, I only look at the recipe if I feel lost, and it often does not turn out well. The third time, it becomes something completely different, and sometimes it turns out well. After that, if I continue with it, I develop my own version of that initial recipe that tastes good all the time.In every instance, I eat what I make. (If you’re ever eating at my place, it may be a good idea to find out what repetition I’m on).
The Pusher's Dilemma: How to Channel Stress Productively
At my worst, I’m a pusher – a ‘pusher’ in the sense of what I do to myself (and others) physically, mentally, and emotionally when I am stressed. I know this and have worked at reducing this urge for a number of years. The fact is, though, that when I’m worried and anxious about something, I push. I insist. I shoot forward. I press on. I make sure something urgent gets done no matter what! Now, while this tendency may be perfect in a real emergency, all it does is cause me and others problems otherwise.
Personal Priorities - recognizing your need for change
I received a note from a colleague this week, saying she was taking time off in order to be with her family. I honored that, and her clarity on knowing what comes first.
I myself, and many of my clients, often forget to do this. We end up noticing only when we’re exhausted or our body breaks down. You’d think we’d learn, but we don’t.
Our sacred responsibility to ourselves
I’ve had a life-long problem with self-care. Self-care is the first thing I drop when I’m busy and have things ‘more interesting’ to deal with.
I am aware I’m not alone in this lack of self-regard. It seems at least partly cultural. It’s definitely something my community views as admirable in some ways – the image of the self-sacrificing person caring for their world around them at a cost to themselves.
There are any number of ways I can ignore self-care. Most of the time it’s daily: yes, I brush my teeth and these days make sure I get enough sleep; I also have a daily meditation routine that I’ve - at long last – made a habit. I try to eat well, etc., etc.. But what I drop very quickly are daily stretches and exercises, light eating at specified times with family – anything I either don’t like that much, or for things I like more. With the convenient excuse that I don’t have time for sitting down to a meal, or getting outside for half an hour.
The Simplicity Solution: Tackling Overwhelm and Embracing Change with Confidence
I listened with fascination last week to a friend who was faced with some unexpected issues that prevented her from doing what she’d planned. I watched her complicate matters to the point that she felt overwhelmed and unable to even begin anything at all. It got me wondering about how often I’ve done that myself, especially if I was already feeling a little pressured. And especially if it went counter to what I’d planned. It's always been my fondest fantasy that I embrace change. But if that’s so, then why does anything that disrupts my plans put me off so much? In this, I suspect I may be like many of you: that I like some change, that I like the idea of embracing change, but that I also want to accomplish what I’ve set out to do, and if some extra thing threatens that possibility, I begin to get overwhelmed.
Last minute living
A while back, someone badly wanted me to make a major change to an event that was happening a week later: I declined. I can’t tell you how many times a person will bring up something controversial in the last 10 or 15 minutes of a meeting, creating stress and anxiety that was never necessary for others. I, myself, had a bad habit of jamming my day with to do’s that I was always rushing to complete, and feeling constantly out of time.
Compartmentalizing that works
Lately, life has been a challenge, largely due to an organization I’m currently involved in. This kind of thing happens to every one of us from time to time, and yet we still have obligations. We still need to find a way to get through our day well, and in my case, be 100% present for my clients and family.
This is where the ability to compartmentalize comes in. In Psychology 101 – way back in the ice ages for me – I learned that compartmentalization was a bad thing – that people used it to avoid addressing issues that needed to be addressed. While that’s as true now as it was then, there’s also a good, healthy side to this tool because it help can us do the opposite of avoiding tough issues, by deliberately setting them aside until we can focus on them undisturbed.
The self-doubt thief
Some time ago now (very thankfully!), I experienced on a daily basis an inner struggle between what the ‘experts’ said and what I felt I needed to do. Too often, I’d chose the experts over myself, and every time I’d discover I had been wrong to choose them over me.
I’d often end up succeeding in what I did, but at a huge cost. Too often, I’d end up failing, also at a huge cost. The cost in both cases was a growing self-doubt that ate me up inside and kept me in a chronically anxious state.