THE BRAVELY BALANCED BLOG
For the overachiever and the overworked!
How exhausted are you? I know the feeling!
Does being exhausted serve you? What if I told you that you could have it all without subjecting yourself to hustle culture?
Sounds divine, doesn’t it? Follow along and feel the ease!
Watching is different than doing
I’ve noticed how expert I am, and others are, at seeing the flaws in others who are working at accomplishing something. It might be leading a group, or doing housework, or baking a cake, or crafting something new. I think there’s a term for it – armchair critic. Probably akin to backseat driver.
It’s easy to see the flaws,
From Spectating to Participating: Breaking Free from the Sidelines
For a long time – longer than I care to admit – I would hold off saying what I really thought or felt. Instead, I would tell myself that I wanted to hear and sit with what someone said before making any comments. This wasn’t true with friends or family. It was true with teachers and strangers.
The Power of Anticipation: Building Resilience Through Dual Expectations
Plan for the worst, Expect the best. This is advice I give clients, and myself, all the time. Why? Because I tend to do the opposite and end up at minimum disappointed, and at worst, in shock and even trauma. “Opposite” isn’t quite what I used to expect: I wouldn’t expect the worst; as it turned out, I had things in the wrong order – I’d expect the best without any real consideration, then plan accordingly. In addition, I’d expect everything and everyone except me to be perfection, then spend all my waking moments worrying over how I could mess it all up.
Authenticity in Action: Fostering a Culture of Respect and Empowerment
“I’m a people pleaser.” … “ I’d rather not rock the boat.” … “You’re the boss, not me.” … “I don’t feel safe here and would rather not speak up.” … “Am I going to be ridiculed if I say anything?”
These are things we might say if we either don’t want to get involved, or fear repercussions if we do get involved. We simply want to keep our heads down and get through the day in one piece.
Leap of Faith: Embracing Risk with Confidence and Intelligence
I believe I’m a risk-taker. Not like a day trader on stock investing, or like a dare devil, but as in trying something new while being willing to fail and try again. Like speaking out loud when I know that what I’m about to say isn’t widely accepted.
When I try something new, I have a fallback plan, and before I make that plan, I do my homework. By the time I decide to jump into what feels like a risk, I feel pretty sure that I’ll survive the jump, and that I’ll learn and grow from it.
I’d like to say that always happens, but it doesn’t always happen.
Shifting Perspectives: Movement as a Catalyst for Change
Movement heals. When you feel stuck, move. The age-old dictum in psychotherapy is “Do something different”, anything at all that truly isn’t a variation on what you have (or haven’t) been doing, with the emphasis on “Do”.
When you feel depressed, I know it feels impossible to move. And yet…
Choosing Grace Over Grudge: From Hurt to Healing through Change
I was hurt by a colleague in a way that cut deeply. I dealt with it by letting her know I was hurt and surprised that she did what she did, then let it go, or so I thought. Recently she was nominated for something prestigious, and I have the power to veto it.I want to veto it. I want to veto it a lot. I want someone else to get that nomination, who is actually very worthy of it and deserves it more than she does. But I know that many who will vote feel against that. Am I open to changing my position on this? Is this a hill I want to die on? Do I want to give this person and the situation that much power?Well, when I put it to myself that way, the answer is no. I will put forward the other names, and I will argue strongly for them. And then I’ll let it all go. Whew! I passed the test. Being open to changing our position on anything that we are emotionally invested in is really difficult. It can come in many guises: saying no to your dearly beloved son or daughter … or parent, when you know that ‘no’ is the right answer; pointing a finger at someone else in order to protect your ego when you know that other person isn’t to blame. There are many ways we are challenged to change something we know isn’t working, but resist doing it.It's called inertia, and it’s a universal law – any object that is at rest with reman so, and any object in motion will continue in motion at that speed and direction unless something forces it to do otherwise. Change is naturally a challenge, so don’t be too hard on yourself when you encounter a need to make a change.
Heart-Centered Resolutions: Transforming Your Life Through Intentions
It’s another early part of a new year, traditionally a time for setting resolutions and intentions for the next 12 months. Resolutions, like losing 10 pounds in one month, or going back to the gym daily, or becoming a vegan tomorrow tend not to work beyond the month. In fact, it’s rare that resolutions ever work for very long, because they seem to be more about what we believe others want and approve of rather than what we feel will make us happier in the long run. Intentions are about personal growth – at least those that stick – because by doing them we feel hopeful for the future. Without feeling hopeful, life isn’t great. Here are some intentions I’ve set for myself over the years:- Be a good leader- Eat and exercise in a way that supports my health- Make my intimate relationships a priority- Build my practice. These kinds of intentions are big and can be complicated sometimes because they all require commitment for the entire year. I use then as daily guides. Is what I’m about to do in line with my intentions for this year?
Respecting the process in relationship
It’s good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters in the end. - Ursula K. LeGuin
I have a late cancellation policy that I used to feel bad about every time a client cancelled late. Then, somewhere down time, I realized that everything that happens in a therapy or coaching session – it’s all a part of the therapeutic or coaching process. Other than a medical emergency, my client made a decision to do something else. That is their right, as is my right to charge them. We both agreed to it, and it informs us both.
Beyond Reactivity: Building Bridges in the Midst of Differences
No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it. - Albert Einstein
These days, it’s hard not to get into an argument without avoiding. Deferring, deflecting, being agreeable and complacent, saying nothing. It sometimes feels as though it’s either that, or reacting by saying or doing something we’ll regret later. Friends, family, co-workers… ourselves – many people are reactive and ready to take offense.
Expectations and Surprises: Decoding the Language of Confusion
A woman was sitting next to me in a coffee shop in deep conversation with someone over the phone. The discussion was animated, at least on her end. I couldn’t help but notice her expression because it, too, was very animated.
Shifting Perspectives: Embracing the Lion-Mouse Within
A friend told me about a time when she was in a typical work self-improvement seminar, meant to help build team spirit. One exercise involved choosing an image that represented each team member. Each individual would choose one for themselves, and then one for all the other team members, collectively. When it came to her, she chose a lion; her mates chose a mouse.
Striking a Balance: Embracing Hope While Managing Expectations
In a week, I’ll spend a day reviewing the past year and setting my intentions for the new year. In looking back over the year, I began it with hopes for the future and expectations on what that future would be like.
Reflect, Learn, Intend: A Year-End Journey
This is my final blog for 2023, and I wanted it to reflect on the past year to see how it went for me in my world, and set to intentions for the new year, based on what I want to improve and accomplish moving forward. I do this every year-end.
Ears of the Heart
I came across a Latin phrase the other day that sounded like something we could all use today. Today, so many of us are protecting ourselves from accusations and judgments because of misunderstandings or the heightened sensitivities of others.
Perspectives on Fairness
When I was growing up in a family with 2 competing brothers and a sister, ensuring the deserts were exactly the same size was of prime importance. Otherwise, it might imply that one sibling was getting special treatment. And that was not fair!
From Dismissal to Reflection: Transforming Defensive Reactions
I was in a meeting, and someone there said something that, to me, sounded sarcastic and dismissive. I immediately, automatically, became defensive. My way of becoming defensive is to dismiss the person speaking and carry on. That generally works because it causes minimal disruption and I feel it doesn’t make others feel uncomfortable. But I felt uncomfortable, and perhaps others did too and were protecting themselves in a similar way.
The surprising silver lining with disappointment
Quite a while ago, I had a friend who I relied on for advice while I was in a position of authority that was very challenging. I thought I had made an agreement with her that what I said would remain between us, and that she would take anything negative I said with a large grain of salt. It turned out that she did not do that. The disappointment and pain and sense of betrayal I felt was indescribable. I ended our relationship by thanking her for her help and giving her a meaningful gift. That ended things for me in a good way. The pain persists, but not strongly (I have other friends who have helped me in a similar way over the years and have been a really great help).
Journey to Thanksgiving: Reflections on Empathy in a Divided World
I drove to Alabama last week to be with my in-laws for American Thanksgiving. On the way, I listened to public radio, most of which was focused on what is happening in Israel at the moment. I heard impassioned pleas and arguments supporting Israel’s aggression against Hamas, and equally powerful pleas and arguments for a cease fire and for humanitarian aid for those trying to live in Gaza.
Breath as a Lifeline: Navigating Anxiety and Overwhelm
Sometimes my job feels like a gift: every time I manage to really help a person, I feel great. And, every time I manage to help someone, I also help myself, and learn how to help others as well.
In case you haven’t noticed, anxiety is all around us these days. So is panic. For some, because of past pain, every challenge that comes their way feels so threatening that they go into a panic, even if they know they can handle that challenge.